Wrapping up May (Surrender and Healing)

‘Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day.’ A.A.Milne

As we come to the end of May, I am thankful for the graciousness and the love of the Father. I started this month with this mindset that everything would change. I would end this month with a job, I would find purpose again and I would be happier than the previous month. However, as the month progressed, those well thought out plans started to quickly come to nothing. By the time it got to the middle of the month I was feeling disheartened and lost. I started to place on myself the burden of not being enough, that I had messed up too much to ever get back on the right path and that I would never find my purpose. This was a result of trying to do life in my own strength, I was the one who was trying to figure out all the solutions and have the answers. Through this whole process, I was forgetting to surrender and allow God to by my strength through it all.

The result of me falling flat on my face again, led me into a lot of hate and bitterness towards myself and who God has created me to be. It was at this time when I was being encouraged on many sides to start surrendering. To surrender my past mistakes, hurts, bitterness and anger. To come before God and truly lay it before him as ugly as it all was. From there, the healing started. The journey has not been beautiful or easy, but it has helped me to become someone who is able to face life knowing who my God is and who I have been made to be. I have been constantly reminded of the power and the authority that I have to allow things into my life. What I choose to fill myself with and surround myself with, will ultimately be that which gets deep into my roots and flows out of me. I am battling each day to not fall into the same patterns that led me to hate and bring myself down. This is through the choices I make every day, how I choose to face life and who I choose to surround myself with. I want to do it allowing the Lord to walk side by side with me, as I live out his plans for my life. No longer trying to make plans for my own ego and success but allow his love and truth to flow through me to others. At the moment, this is a continuous process I am working on and it will be one that flows through my life. For it takes daily surrender and sacrifice.

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I want to take some time to share with you some of the things that have been helping me through this process. I hope they will be an encouragement and a blessing, as they were for me.

Many of my answers to prayers have come in the sermons that I have been led to. The one I listened to yesterday culminated in everything I was being taught this month. I have been listening to a lot of sermons,  and while I have learned a lot I had the underlining thought that I was not equipped to become who God was asking me to be. However, this sermon spoke right into the heart of that thought. It spoke of how God can use our sorrow to bring about seeds and those seeds can lead to fruit. However, we have to be willing to first lay it all down and allow God to turn our sorrow into seed. To let the fruit of those seeds be used to glorify and honour the Lord in all that we do. I would highly recommend this sermon, which I will link at the end, if anything I have written has struck a chord because I know that it has helped me in my faith.

 

‘In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.’ Robert Frost.

This is a beautiful quote and speaks of great truth. That even in this slowest season of life, when I felt my life had lost its purpose; it did keep going on. There were always small blessings found within my days. Ways in which I could show love to others or receive love. There were blessings in spending more time reading my bible or having time to pray and talk. I have been learning to embrace being present. Sometimes being present is enjoying a tv show or a conversation in the sunshine. To embrace being present, has led to me slowing down. To simply be thankful and faithful with what I have got in my hands at the moment. This month has led to many new blogs because I came to realise it was my way of serving and that is a blessing to me. I could spend my life in comparison to others and constantly see ways in which it does not add up. However, it would be a huge waste of my time. I can only be faithful and fruitful with what I have been given and I do not want to waste that, wishing I had what others had.

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‘Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you with whatever hard things come up when the time comes.’ (Matthew 6v34)

I spent a few days reading the beatitudes a few times. I have no idea what the intention was but I kept doing it. It helped me to allow the word of God to rest upon many of my problems. It enabled me to remember the purpose for which I had been created and to stay in connection with God. In regard to the topic of worry, I enjoyed the message translation. For it reminded me that worry takes me away from the present moment and entangles me in thoughts of a situation that is out of my grips. It leads me into a state of fear and worry over outcomes that actually never come to fruition. I love how this verse states that God will help me with the hard things but when the time comes. Until I actually face it, it is better to be at peace in his presence and finding my strength and hope in him. I have no idea what the future holds and there are many situations I could use my time worrying about. However, it leads me missing out on the present moment and I have spent too much time doing that. It is best to surrender that worry in prayer and get on with what is happening presently.

Lastly, I want to take some time to encourage you. You may have truly struggled through this month and have found it hard to keep the faith. May you find hope in knowing that you have made it this far, that even in your hardest days you have found the purpose to keep pressing on amidst all your problems. May you be encouraged that the God who has got you this far, will see you to the other side. You are simply not here to get by but you have a God-given purpose, we all do. For some, it may seem easier to see and for others, it may take time. However, keep doing small acts in great love and allow yourself to be loved too. When you feel like darkness is taking over, may you remember that ‘The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has overcome it.’ ( John 1v5). No darkness, no sorrow, and no mistake is ever too big for the Lord. He will meet us in it all. In every trial and triumph, God is truly faithful through it. May you keep pressing forward in learning to trust and surrender all to the Lord. He has made you fearfully and wonderfully and it is time we all started to believe that for ourselves and for others. May we all learn to be faithful with what we have at hand. Knowing even our greatest sorrow can be used for God’s glory. We are all so loved and cherished by our Heavenly Father.

‘Highs and lows. You surround me either way it goes. Should I rise or should I fall? Lord, you are with me through it all. Highs and lows. In the rhythms of your grace I know. Should I rise or should I fall? You are faithful through it all and you’re too good to let me go.’ (Highs and lows, Hillsong Young and Free)

Have a blessed week. Keep the faith. God bless, love Victoria. xx

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