(This is a new series that I am starting, that will be uploaded during the week. Alongside, the ‘Lessons I am learning from’ series.)
This new series is a commitment for myself, to get my butt in gear and actually starting living the life I am blessed to have. I have been in a stale place for a long time, I stopped dreaming about the life I could have and just accepted that this was my lot. I am not dreaming of being any sort of millionaire and living a life of luxury. Instead, I want to learn to start enjoying life and actually sitting behind the wheel and taking some control. I fully trust that God is in control of my life but it falls on me to take action and have faith to walk through life. I have been imprisoning myself due to my fears and beliefs of who I am, it has led me to wondering what is my point of being here. Thankfully God’s good grace never fails to meet me in those moments. For too long, I did not realise that it was me, that needed to speak purpose into my life. Trusting in the promises and the truth of who God has called me to be and walking in that. The one promise that I am keeping at the forefront of this whole journey is 2 Timothy 1v7 ‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love and self-discipline.’ (NLT)
A little context to how I have got to this place to begin with and then I will speak about the changes I want to make. Truthfully, I have always been a little bit ashamed of myself. I was bullied from a young age, I can remember when we lived in Wales ( we now live in England) and this was before I was five I was bullied for my voice. That is something that carried on all through school. It was due to me having a deeper voice and I would pronounce words differently to my peers. In high school I developed horrendous acne, this was really painful and cytsic acne. I also had braces and dorky NHS glasses, I looked a picture. I felt insecure and people were cruel. As I went through my high schools years I started to struggle with understanding my school work. I would have an interest in what was being taught but I could never write it well on paper. My friends were always smarter and I felt behind. I got through school and even have a university degree (Yay), I even feel like I did not do the right thing at uni. I found out at University that I have dyslexia, which helped me to understand why I struggled through school but it did not make it any easier to do my assignments or debating in class.
All these things in a big and a small way have impacted my life. I normally act silly around my family and friends because I feel that I am not as intellectual and knowledgeable as they are. It is better to be known for something than just being dumb. When I do speak my words come out quicker then my mind has time to process, what I say normally comes out jumbled. Around those I do not know I am normally quiet but kind because I love people but I am scared of them getting to know me.
I am learning that what has happened in the past cannot be changed but I am in control of making positive changes for the future. Some will work out and others will not. I cannot change the way I have been made to feel but I can stop it from allowing it to impact the person I am becoming. I can learn to grow and embrace life again, to shake off everything that has been holding me down.
This series is a motivation to keep moving forwards. To set goals, that enable me to push myself but to love myself too. The way I began doing this was through getting rid of social media. Which sounds dramatic and weird but I have been off it for over a week now and I do not miss it. It gave me a negative mindset and I wasted too much time on it. The time I would have spent on social media is now spent reading or doing something productive. The next step is finding a new job/volunteering, in which I am going to learn new skills and embrace new challenges. I am currently in retail, which helps me pay my (few) bills but is not pushing me to be the best that I can be. I have grown incredibly complacent, I have accepted that because I am earning money then that is enough. Retail is not a bad, there are plenty of opportunities to grow in leadership in the job. However, I have known for a long time that I want to do a job that makes a change and that has a positive impact. That is one of the main reasons I started my blog. Not as a job but to do what I was passionate about as I awaited that job. I need to now have a commitment to start pursuing that, looking into different companies to see what they have to offer and what I can offer them, which skills are required. That is my first goal for this week, is to start researching these companies.
My second goal is to have confidence with my driving, in my lessons I am now at the point where I am working up to my test in a few weeks. That terrifies me. I feel like I cannot do it, which is an utter lie because I can. Driving is enjoyable but it something that takes experience and courage to do. I am going to be keeping that Bible verse from 2 Timothy at the forefront of my mind and trusting that I have not got this far to fail. When I make mistakes, that the best thing to do is to learn from them.
My third goal is to start learning more about the topics I am interested about. Learning about an important person or place that is significant for a certain reason. All our lives are important, they all have a story to tell. I love reading about how someone has used their life to bring about positive change and how they achieved it. I am interested to learn about what it means to embrace all that life can be. It may not always be easy for the individual but their sacrifice brings change for good. The world needs more of those people.
I am starting off with small goals because all my mindset and the way I live life is going to take a while to transform. As I start reaching these goals, it will enable me to push myself further and to step into new areas of life. I want the next few months to be purposeful. As I commit to this blog series, I will share with you the highs and the lows. How I am growing and developing. Maybe even what I have been learning about the people who have used their life for good. Possibly, you are in the same boat I am or you have been. It is important that we all learn from each other. Let us not do life alone but walk together with confidence and power.
Keep moving forwards,
Love Victoria. xx