I have won and I have lost. I got it right sometimes and sometimes I did not. Life’s been a journey. I’ve seen joy, I’ve seen regret. Oh and You have been my God through all of it.’ (Colton Dixon, ‘Through all of it’)
This has been the lesson that God has been teaching me throughout this week. I have been struggling with allowing myself to move on from the past, dealing with a lot of regret over things that I could have done better. I have been allowing myself to dwell in the events of the past that I have no control over being able to change. I have been allowing the past to become a prison of my own making. This is where God has intervened to draw me out of this pit I had put myself into. I hope that what I have learned will bless you if you are going through this same season in your life.
Life is messy, even with the best intentions we get things wrong. In growing up we chose to do things that we think we need to do to be accepted and appreciated in life. What I have been struggling with is that I could have done life better. I could have loved better, worked harder and not been conformed to the ways others wanted me to be. There are events in my life that are tarnished with regret and failure and I wish I could have changed what the outcome would have been. The truth that God has been speaking over me, is that no opportunity is ever wasted when I invited God in. This has been the message that has been pursuing my heart and mind throughout all I have done this week. It has been in my devotional, my daily bible reading, the songs that I have listened to and the conversations that I have had. It is a truth that I have set in my heart to hold dear to and to believe in. Where the past may be that which is tinged with regret, it is not my present and it is not my future. God’s love and grace speaks freedom and renewed purpose into my life and that has been a blessing. Romans 8v1 ‘Therefore, there is now no condemnation, for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.’
To know forgiveness over my life is also about learning to forgive myself. I will beat myself up about my past. That does not help at all. I have been learning to take those thoughts captive and to let them go. To no longer mull over them until I am in tears. For there is purpose in the day I have and that does not need to be filled with the mistakes of the past. Psalm 103v12 ‘He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west.’.
Another problem that I have been dealing with is that I feel that where I am in life is not enough. I have talked about this in my blog on comparison, in continuation, I struggle when people ask me ‘What do you want to do with your life?’. Truthfully I have no idea, that worries me as a 23 year old that I have no idea of the path that I want to pursue. Again, God has been speaking peace over my life in over this fear that I have. Romans 8v28 ‘And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.’ It is teaching me to have faith in the situation that I am in, not to become content but to actively seek God in all things in my life. One of those areas is work, it is a place that I can sometimes feel disconnected from God. I have began to pray over each day, that he would love through me and I would show grace and kindness to the people that I serve. There is such power in those prayers, as I said once you invite God into a situation he will utterly transform it. The conversations that I have been able to have with people has been encouraging. To even know the peace that God gives when situations are pressurised has enabled me to have an optimistic view on my job. It is tiring, it is not something I want to do forever. In learning to serve and to care for people even when I feel dissatisfied is a blessing. No opportunity is ever wasted in our life when we have a willingness to do God’s will. Until God leads me to the next place, I will choose to be faithful in the place I have been put.
One of the verses that is a constant reminder is that which is found in Genesis 50v20, ‘You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.’. This verse reminds me, that God is in full control. Joseph’s brothers had sold him into slavery, a malicious act that was done due to their jealousy. Through being sold, Joseph ended up in Egypt which was a land unknown to him but God was with him through it all. Joseph found favour in the eyes of many and even when he was imprisoned due to false accusations his hope did not diminish. God used Joseph and the gift he had of dream interpretation, to tell all of Egypt about an upcoming famine. Which enabled them to prepare the land to be well stocked for the many years of famine that where coming. Which not only saved their nation but the other nations surrounding them. God truly does work all things for his good, that can be hard to believe when we look at the word today. God’s love and faithfulness is still abundant through the many people who go out and work to do good, even in the darkest and hardest of circumstances. God is a good God, who has always had a better purpose if only we would turn our eyes to him and trust him to lead us.
While I may still struggle with what my purpose is, I am learning to to trust God. That wherever I may end up in life, it is never a wasted opportunity. Whether that be sharing kindness, supporting someone, or, a season of growth. God will be there and has always been there. Where my past may try to haunt me, God speaks his peace and truth over my life and that frees me from those chains. I know that in life I will make mistakes, for I am human. It is no longer about harbouring them as my identity but allowing myself to be set free from them. God can transform any situation for his good, for he is God the creator and perfecter of all. None of our lives are beyond God’s grace. For even in our failures there will always be hope and grace.
May you have a blessed week. You are loved and cherished. Love Victoria. xx