Lessons I’m learning from: comparison being a killer.

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My life has been controlled by comparison. I compared myself to my siblings, friends and even people I did not know.  It was an issue that I needed to address because it only led me to belittle myself and to stop working hard on what I was meant to be doing. The comparison mentality was a pretty rigid mindset I had. On reflection it was a mindset that led to judgement, unhappiness and a lack of living. I am glad that comparison is something i have began to address and continue to, here are some of the lessons I have learned along the way.

Comparison is an ugly motive to allow to develop within our lives. It is something that society throws in all our faces on a daily basis, especially through advertisements that are hard to miss. I know myself, that I never fitted into any of those ideals that were being advertised. It would be a while before I realised that most people do not fit the ideals we are told to pursue. They are relentless pursuits of perfection, that many years of life can be wasted trying to obtain them. In regards to beauty, I am learning to accept the person that I am. That my skin is not perfect and flawless but that is okay and it should have always been okay. I spent many years hating myself because of the skin on my face. It was my own mind that was causing me to do this; therefore, it was my own mindset that I needed to change. Comparing how we look to others is a pointless waste of my time. I wish I had learned that earlier in my life, it would have saved me a lot of tears and money. Haha.

Growing up as one out of four siblings, it is hard not to compare yourself even though our parents never did compare us to one another. I always felt out of my siblings I was the dumb one. They would understand things better than I did and they achieved better grades. Even what they were interested in was cooler than what I was into. I would spend all this time calling myself stupid and worthless, I was in my own pity party and I wanted people to have sympathy for me. Truthfully, I was not allowing myself to accept the passions and talents I did have. While I may be a little slower, I have still achieved a lot in 23 years. Comparison did not allow me to be fruitful in the fields I was in. I would diminish their importance because I believed they were worthless. I do not desire to compare my life to my siblings anymore. We can work together and learn from each other, that is a blessing for each of us. I do believe where I am now is not a bad place. I am alive, healthy and and surrounded by people who love me. Those are not blessings to take for granted. I love that I have a passion for reading, even writing and that each day I get to interact with all different people. I cannot say that my life is bad.

Briefly, on the topic friends. We are all in our early 20’s and a lot of them are pursuing the careers they always wanted or are in successful jobs. I felt discouraged, there is no career I have ever felt passionate about pursuing. I came out of university and went straight into retail, I wanted a job and I needed money for stability. I was hard on myself because I believed I was not living a purposeful life. A lesson I needed to learn was that my purpose is not determined by my job, it is a part of my life but it does not determine my worth. job has enabled me to grow in multiple skills, most importantly my confidence. It is not a bad place to be, it is a place that is helping me to move onto new things in the future.

Lastly, the impact of Instagram was something I needed to address in my life. I would spend an hour or two each day scrolling through trying to find some sort of satisfaction, from comparing myself to others. The truth was I never did. I had a break from Instagram for a week and a bit. It helped me to see that it was not something that was not mandatory in my life. I did not need to be uploading content just to get other peoples approval. Comparing my likes to others, it was just a waste of time. I have began limiting my usage of Instagram just to the weekend. To have those five days away means I am not constantly shoving other peoples lives into my face and no longer comparing my life to someone I barely know by name.

I did not get to this place of change by myself, I truly believe that it was by God’s grace and love that my mindset is being transformed. God has given me a renewed purpose on how I should view life and especially why I am on this earth. It helped to deal with a lot of the emotional baggage I had, that was a result of comparison. I do realise that I am blessed to be in this position. I know that there are many people where comparison is placed upon them by loved ones, friends and family. to break out of that is a huge struggle.  To know that the comparison mindset is something that I only have to myself to blame for having, to walk away from it is not something I will not take for granted. I am thankful for the lessons I have learned from comparison; I never want it to be as prominent in my life again.

You are loved and cherished. May you have an amazing week and keep on learning anf growing. Love Victoria. xx

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