I am not the best person at being kind to myself, I know it is a struggle that other people deal with. There are always parts of us we want to change or certain things we want to be good at. That is us as humans, we grow and we develop over time. However, when the only words you can speak to yourself are those of hate. Then you know you have a problem. To become content in being in that place, is one of the most destructive things you can do. I was full of hate for myself, that to be kind to myself was a rarity. It has been something that I have been reflecting on and working on and it is not the easiest journey. To come out of place which was so dark, and to begin to actually get to know myself as I am is odd. This journey is important because it effects how I treat people and how I allow them to treat me and I how I see the world. This is not a straight forward journey, there is so much baggage that I need to let go of and to find peace within myself.
The first lesson that I needed to learn was, that it does not matter how much advice people give me on how I can love myself better; until I am willing to actually want to make that change then their advice is pointless. I came to a place in my faith, where I needed to ask God for help because I would never do it in my own strength. I felt that I was drowning in all this hate, doubt and fear that I needed to be pulled out. There is I this beautiful passage in Matthew gospel where Peter has been walking on the water, then the next thing he doubts and begins to sink. He cries out to Jesus save me and Jesus immediately pulls him out. ‘… cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him, “You of little faith, he said “why did you doubt?” This is what I prayed that I would be pulled out of this miry depth I had got myself into, I felt this sudden peace over my life. Whether you believe in Jesus or not, he is still so present, even in our darkness moments he will overcome that with his light. I also prayed over my heart and mind, where there hate, death and decay; that from here on in it would be covered in beauty and there would only ever be growth from here on in.
Lessons that I am learning:
- To be patient with myself, I am not perfect but my weaknesses do not define me. To learn to focus on the things that I am good at. I do not need to compare myself to others to find validation.
- Knocking yourself down, will never allow growth.
- Accept people’s compliments, kindness helps growth.
- Comparison kills. I can only ever be me, there is no way I can be anyone else. I am learning to accept the flaws that I have. For they are the things that make me, me, that is okay.
- To be mindful of the people I surround myself with. Where we are looking out for each other and it is not a friendship based on being mean or self-centred towards others.
- That I love the creativity of make-up. I love experimenting with different eye shadow and lipsticks. How you can change it to match up with your mood and personality.
- To hold tight to my faith and not comparing it other peoples. We all have our different paths to follow, we are all in different places. It is okay to not be there just yet.
- Loving yourself enables you to love other people better. I am learning what it means to love myself I want people to be treated with that same respect.
- Materialistic objects do not bring happiness, they just end up gathering dust. It is important to make memories and to live a life with passion and love.
Time will always bring healing, there are so many things that I am still growing in and many uncertainties around the corner. Society is so quick to tell you who you are, where you belong. It is important that we can all learn to love ourselves. This is a subject I will keep coming back to as I go throughout this year, to see how I am hopefully I am progressing. I hope you reading this are on your own journey too. Whether you have a faith or not, make sure you surround yourself with people who want the best for you. Have hope that even on your hardest day, there is something around the corner. Love people. The more we love each other, the more we will grow. In a world that is so quick to divide us all, may we walk in strength and support of each other. Learn to be kinder to yourself, do not allow mistruths or judgement to guide your life. As you learn to be kinder, share that message with others. We all need it.
‘That’s not being selfish, in fact looking after yourself is the greatest act of kindness you can give the world, loving yourself first is the best way to spread love.’ ‘Are we all lemmings and snowflakes?’ Holly Bourne.
You are so loved. You are so beautiful and gifted. Have a blessed week and keep learning. Love Victoria. xx