Lessons I’m learning from: being kinder to myself!

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I am not the best person at being kind to myself, I know it is a struggle that other people deal with. There are always parts of us we want to change or certain things we want to be good at. That is us as humans, we grow and we develop over time. However, when the only words you can speak to yourself are those of hate. Then you know you have a problem. To become content in being in that place, is one of the most destructive things you can do.  I was full of hate for myself, that to be kind to myself was a rarity. It has been something that I have been reflecting on and working on and it is not the easiest journey. To come out of place which was so dark, and to begin to actually get to know myself as I am is odd.  This journey is important because it effects how I treat people and how I allow them to treat me and I how I see the world. This is not a straight forward journey, there is so much baggage that I need to let go of and to find peace within myself.

The first lesson that I needed to learn was, that it does not matter how much advice people give me on how I can love myself better; until I am willing to actually want to make that change then their advice is pointless. I came to a place in my faith, where I needed to ask God for help because I would never do it in my own strength. I felt that I was drowning in all this hate, doubt and fear that I needed to be pulled out. There is I this beautiful passage in Matthew gospel where Peter has been walking on the water, then the next thing he doubts and begins to sink. He cries out to Jesus save me and Jesus immediately pulls him out. ‘… cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him, “You of little faith, he said “why did you doubt?” This is what I prayed that I would be pulled out of this miry depth I had got myself into, I felt this sudden peace over my life. Whether you believe in Jesus or not, he is still so present, even in our darkness moments he will overcome that with his light. I also prayed over my heart and mind, where there hate, death and decay; that from here on in it would be covered in beauty and there would only ever be growth from here on in.

Lessons that I am learning:

  • To be patient with myself, I am not perfect but my weaknesses do not define me. To learn to focus on the things that I am good at. I do not need to compare myself to others to find validation.
  • Knocking yourself down, will never allow growth.
  • Accept people’s compliments, kindness helps growth.
  • Comparison kills. I can only ever be me, there is no way I can be anyone else. I am learning to accept the flaws that I have. For they are the things that make me, me, that is okay.
  • To be mindful of the people I surround myself with. Where we are looking out for each other and it is not a friendship based on being mean or self-centred towards others.
  • That I love the creativity of make-up. I love experimenting with different eye shadow and lipsticks. How you can change it to match up with your mood and personality.
  • To hold tight to my faith and not comparing it other peoples. We all have our different paths to follow, we are all in different places. It is okay to not be there just yet.
  • Loving yourself enables you to love other people better. I am learning what it means to love myself I want people to be treated with that same respect.
  • Materialistic objects do not bring happiness, they just end up gathering dust. It is important to make memories and to live a life with passion and love.

 

Time will always bring healing, there are so many things that I am still growing in and many uncertainties around the corner. Society is so quick to tell you who you are, where you belong. It is important that we can all learn to love ourselves. This is a subject I will keep coming back to as I go throughout this year, to see how I am hopefully I am progressing. I hope you reading this are on your own journey too. Whether you have a faith or not, make sure you surround yourself with people who want the best for you. Have hope that even on your hardest day, there is something around the corner. Love people. The more we love each other, the more we will grow. In a world that is so quick to divide us all, may we walk in strength and support of each other. Learn to be kinder to yourself, do not allow mistruths or judgement to guide your life. As you learn to be kinder, share that message with others. We all need it.

‘That’s not being selfish, in fact looking after yourself is the greatest act of kindness you can give the world, loving yourself first is the best way to spread love.’ ‘Are we all lemmings and snowflakes?’ Holly Bourne.

 

You are so loved. You are so beautiful and gifted. Have a blessed week and keep learning. Love Victoria. xx

Lessons I’m learning from: becoming more introverted in my 20’s!

I have always been a little introverted, I was always happy to socialise with people and to go out and do things. It was not until I was finishing up university, that I warmed to being introverted and accepted it as part of who I was. My university years were full of unnecessary drama, that I allowed myself to get pulled into. They were draining years, I found solace in being on my own and enjoying/doing the things that I needed and wanted to do. It also allowed me to think over what sort of people I wanted to hang around and what activities I wanted to be doing.

I used to believe that it was people who validated me. My worth came from hanging out with them, doing the things they wanted to do and acting in accordance with their will. A lot of the friendships I was in, led to me giving so much of myself and I gained nothing back. This was my fault because I did not know who I was and also who I wanted to be. I did not hold close to my values and morals. It left me feeling defeated and alone. I began to learn that I could enjoy being in my own company, in being alone did not make me lonely.

I learned that time alone, enables me to grow more. Over the past two years I have loved growing in my faith. Taking the time to be alone; to read the word, pray and to have a quiet time. I have pursued writing more, whether that be book reviews or my blogs. I have fallen in love with reading again. I use social media platforms to direct my passions into something creative. Working on myself has enabled me to know more about how I view the world and what I want to be known for. While I may not be understood by everyone, if those around me are supportive than that is enough.

I do enjoy hanging out with people and talking to people. I do it in my job and my social life. An important lesson I am learning is the importance of listening. How words do not always bring comfort, the comfort can be found simply in presence. I also focus in on peoples emotions, which is something I am sensitive too. I have learned that there is comfort in prayer. Whether I pray for that person directly with that person or I take it home to pray about. I have realised that there is so much out of my control. I have learned to leave it with God and trust him.

I have been taught, especially in my university years, the devastating effects of toxic friendships. Which I now know healing from, it has taught me to no longer rush into any relationships. I choose now to be friends with people I know I can be myself around In any friendships there will be sacrifices you make for each other. There is a difference from selling out who you are to missing out on going somewhere to support a friend, a friend would do the same. Friendship should always be about quality rather than quantity, for it is better to have one true friend than a bunch of fake posers around you.

I have learned that there is such joy in having time to myself. I love going on walks or trips by myself to explore a new place. I can take my time because I am on no-ones agenda and I take in what I want to. My aim this year is to go to Germany for a few days on my own. I have been teaching myself German and am in preparation to book things, this goal will become a reality. I enjoy spending evenings in and no longer feel like I am missing out or will be seen as sad. To be cosy and watching a film or reading is a favourite of mine. Having time to myself allows me to have my own stories that I get to share with the people around me. Becoming more introverted is not a negative thing for my life. For it is who I am, I pretended for a long time that I could be this loud and proud person. I always felt dissatisfied and embarrassed of the things I did to get that attention.  The greatest gift I have received, is knowing that I am loved and known by God. I do not have to pretend to be anyone, for God knows my heart and works with who I am. I am thankful for that blessing. I am thankful for this life. Whether you reading this or an extrovert or an introvert or even ambivert, you are so loved and awesome as you are.

Have an amazing week. Keep learning. Love Victoria. xx